Softcore Sholay

Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad
to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and start shouting: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh
loot-maar software?

Last date to kab ka nikal gaya".

Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki

Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund
kar diya hai."

Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire
kiye hain kya?"

Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal
raha hai."

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one
Water tank and

Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.

Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko
liya hai ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin
aate."

Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain,
Kuch bhi kar sakte hain."

Jay hits his keyboard,then says:"jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska
server down ho gaya."


AT GABBAR'S DEN...

Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"
Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."

abbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake?

Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga?

Naya assignment dega ...aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar
milegi."

[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine
mein?"

Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."

Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai."
[logout - logout - logout].

"Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga" Kaalia?"

Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."
Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar!

77 What RajniKant?

1. Rajanikanth makes onions cry

2. Rajanikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

3. Ghosts are actually caused by Rajnikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.

4. Rajanikanth can build a snowman….. out of rain.

5. Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

6. Rajanikanth can drown a fish.

7. When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,…………. he turns the dark off.

8. When Rajnikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.

9. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.

10. The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.

11. Rajanikant does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

12. Bullets dodge Rajanikant.

13. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajnikant and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

14. Rajanikanth’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.

15. If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajanikanth? ” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”

16. Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

17. Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

18. When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

19. Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

20. Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

21. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

22. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.

23. Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

24. Rajnikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life? unless it gets in his way.

25. Rajnikant once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

26. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

27. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.

28. Rajnikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.

29. Rajnikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

30. With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

31. The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.

32. When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.

33. Outer space exists because itsw afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant

34. Rajnikant has counted to infinity – twice

35. When Rajnikant does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, he’s pushing earth down

36. Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

37. Rajnikant doesnt wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

38. Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile

39. Rajnikant can slam a revolving door

40. Rajnikan’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

41. Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

42. If you google search “Rajnikant getting kicked”your search will generate 0 results. It just doesn’t happen.

43. It takes Rajnikant 20 mins to watch 60 minutes

44. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.

45. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai

46. Rajnikant once age an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink

47. The only thing that runs faster and longer than Rajnikant are his films.

48. Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikant there is no other way.

50. Once up on a time rajanikant used tooth powder to get strong teeth. .today that powder is known as AMBUJA CEMENT!!!

51. CAT is outdated. Now the students have 2 prepare for RAT= RAJNIKANT APTITUDE TEST

52. Hrithik tried to participate in a dance competition with Rajnikanth. Result: He is in a wheel chair in Gujarish.

53. Rajnikant was once told to choose 3 subjects when he got admission in jr.college……………. He chose science,arts and commerce!!!!!!!

54. Rajnikant does not use Linux, Linux uses Rajnikant

55. When Rajnikant switches on his AC, then winter starts in India.

56. Rajnikant can make calls from his iPod to his iPad…!!!

57. Facebook founder Mark Zukerburg is hospitalized with serious injury…… Reason- Rajnikant poked him on facebook…

58. Rajnikant once wrote his autobiography ………. Today that book is known as Guiness book of world records….

59. WhY ‘EARTHQUAKE’ OCCURS ON EARTH??? BCOZ at that Time RAJNIKANT‘S MOBILE IS ON VIBRATE MODE!!! :-)

60. Once Rajnikant Participated In Bike Race Dont Even Try To Guess What Happened Rajnikant Won The Race On Neutral Gear..

61. Rajnikant creats his new mail i.d. ⁰Gmail@rajnikant.com

62. Rajnikant was practising for spelling test. The rough sheet he used is today known as the oxford dictionary!!

63. A basket ball player spun a basketball on his finger and asked Rajnikant can u do it? Rajani-how do u think the earth spins?

64. Rajnikant opened his refrigerator and forgot to shut the door, Winters arrive in India!

65. When Rajnikant hits facebook.com, facebook updates its status message!

66. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live.

67. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant.

68. Rajnikant counted to infinity – twice.

69. When Rajnikant does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

70. Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

71. Rajnikant’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

72. Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

73. Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.

74. Rajnikant can slam a revolving door.

75. Rajnikant does not get frostbite. Rajnikant bites frost.

76. There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

77. Rajnikant’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

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शीला की जवानी गीत का भावार्थ

प्रस्तुत उत्तेजक गीत हिन्दी फिल्म जगत के नवीनतम रत्न 'तीस मार खान' से लिया गया है. यह गाना नायिका के संगमरमर जैसे शरीर से आकर्षित होने वाले लंगोट के ढीले पुरुषों पर नायिका की अपमानजनक प्रतिक्रया को व्यक्त करता है. नायिका उन्हें सीधे और कटु शब्दों में बताना चाहती है कि शीशे के पीछे रसगुल्ले की ख्वाहिश करना एक बात है और उसे चखना दूसरी बात!
I know you want it
But you never gonna get it
Tere haath kabhi na aani
Maane na maane koi duniya
Yeh saari, mere ishq ki hai deewani
गाने की शुरुआत नायिका के ईमानदारीपूर्ण वक्तव्य से होती है. वो जानती है कि इन मर्दों को उसकी भावनाओं, दिल और प्रेम से कोई सरोकार नहीं. वो तो बस एक ही चीज चाहते हैं. पर वो उन्हें मिलने वाली नहीं. उन्हें मुंह में भर आये पानी से ही अपनी प्यास बुझानी होगी. दुर्भाग्यपूर्ण, परन्तु सत्य.
Hey hey, I know you want it
but you never gonna get it
Tere haath kabhi na aani
Maane na maane koi duniya
yeh saari Mere ishq ki hai deewani
Ab dil karta hai haule haule se
Main toh khud ko gale lagaun
Kisi aur ki mujhko zaroorat kya
Main toh khud se pyaar jataun
नायिका पुनः दर्जनों पुरुषों में उसके प्रति जगी वासना पर प्रकाश डालती है. वो अपने आस-पास मंडराते छिछोरों को बताती है कि उनकी दाल नहीं गलने वाली. पर साथ ही यहाँ नायिका के व्यक्तित्व का एक और पक्ष उजागर होता है. सौंदर्य से जागृत अहंकार का पक्ष. वो अपनी सुन्दरता से इतनी प्रभावित है कि उसे किसी पुरुष की ज़रुरत नहीं. वो अपने अन्दर की स्त्री के लिए खुद ही पुरुष बन जाना चाहती है. अब इसे अहंकार की पराकाष्ठा कहें या आत्म-प्रेम की मादकता!
what's my name
what's my name
what's my name
My name is Sheela
Sheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani
Na na na sheela
Sheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani
अब नायिका अपना परिचय देती है. अपना नाम बताती है. और नाम भी ऐसा जो बूढ़ी नसों के लिए वायाग्रा का काम करे. उनमें यौवन का झंझावात ला दे. नाम बताने के साथ वो यह भी बताती है कि वो बहुत ही ज़्यादा सेक्सी है. अपने मुंह मियाँ मिट्ठू. पर इस आत्म-प्रशंसा में भी अहंकार की सुगंध है. वो खुद को इतना ज़्यादा सेक्सी बताती है कि वो सबकी पहुँच से बाहर है. एक ऐसे चन्द्रमा की तरह जिसकी चांदनी तो सबको उपलब्ध है, पर उस चाँद को छूकर उसे महसूस करना किसी के बस की नहीं. यहाँ यह सिद्ध होता है है कि नायिका सौंदर्य की साधक ही नहीं, बल्कि अहंकार से भरी चुड़ैल भी है.
Take it on
Take it on
Take it on
Take it on
अब नायिका सीधे शब्दों में चुनौती देती है. एक ऐसी चुनौती जो शायद मर्दों में शराब के बिना भी साहस ला दे.
Silly silly silly silly boys
O o o you're so silly
Mujhe bolo bolo karte hain
O o oHaan jab unki taraf dekhun,
baatein haule haule karte hain
Hai magar, beasar mujh par har paintra
अब नायिका उनका उपहास करती है. उन्हें मूर्ख कहकर पुकारती है. उन्हें ज़लील करती है. वो मर्द नायिका के बारे में गुप-चुप बातें कर सकते हैं, पर उसके सामने जुबां नहीं खोल पाते. वासना और कायरता का ये अद्भुत संगम है.
Haye re aise tarse humko
Ho gaye sober se re
Sookhey dil pe megapan ke
teri nazariya barse re
I know you want it
but you never gonna get it
Tere haath kabhi na aani
SheelaSheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani
Na na na sheela
Sheela ki jawani
I'm just sexy for you
Main tere haath na aani
यहाँ आखिरकार वासना से मदहोश मर्द कुछ बोलने की हिम्मत जुटाते हैं. वो धीमे स्वर में अपनी इच्छा ज़ाहिर करते हैं. वो बोलते हैं कि नायिका का फिसलता बदन उनके बंजर दिलों में प्रेम का अंकुर ला रहा है. मानो नायिका को उनकी असली इच्छा का पता ही नहीं. इसलिए वह उन्हें फिर से याद दिलाती है कि दिन में सपने देखना छोड़ दें.
यह ख़ूबसूरत गीत आज ही नहीं, सदियों से चला आ रही नर और नारी की मानसिकता को उजागर करता है. नारी हज़ारों घंटे श्रृंगार और व्यायाम में बिताकर इस लायक दिखती है कि मर्द उस पर गिद्ध जैसी नज़रें डालें. पर जब वो नज़रें डालते हैं तो नायिका उन्हें चूजा सिद्ध कर देती है. नर भी कम नहीं. वो नारी के शारीरिक आकर्षण के सामने आपा खो बैठते हैं. जब वासना शिखर पर होती है तो साहस लुकाछिपी खेल रहा होता है. अब ऐसे में मिलन हो तो कैसे हो? इसी सवाल के साथ यह गीत श्रोताओं और दर्शकों के मन में एक कसक छोड़ जाता है.

9 Promises Should Be Taken Before Choosing Software Field

9 Promises Should Be Taken Before Choosing Software Field

1) I have already enjoyed my life in childhood
2) I love tension
3) I don’t want to spend time wid my friends
4) I love night duties
5) I love to work on Sundays and holidays
6) I want to take revenge on myself
7) I don’t want to get married b4 30 yrs of age
8) I want to study until my death
9) I don’t want hair on my head JJJ